The thoughts awry, the flashes in disarray - it all seems an emotionless galore - a reality which has emotions thriving to glory. Absurd? Welcome to this grim world of sane insanity, or would you rather just have it as insane sanity.
Not very long ago, an unseasoned lassie decided to take her first steps into this confused world. She set out to be happy, relinquish her childhood and absolve herself from her indecisiveness. She did intend to make some good friends, make some awe-inspired living, and maybe just maybe find the right lad who would endure her whingeing and nonetheless love her for what she is and what she would aspire to be.
Over the years, she enjoyed some great friendship with her girlfriends, friendships that needed no introduction to this over-occupied world, friendships that would last forever - or so she thought.
They all came, and they all left, barring of course a handful of them - now don't call me names for being so mean. After all, who doesn't change? But she wasn't sad. She was in fact happy, really happy. She did manage to survive. In the process, gained the trust of her two most beloved friends. Care to know who they were? Well, one was her diary, and the other was herself. Two friends who could never betray her, no matter how bad she is to them. They will always, uncontrollably love her. Oh and she did move on. Strong willed she was, yes she was. [ I can feel the tenses going wrong here, but never mind. As long as the idea of the flow seeps in, it's all good. ]
I'm pretty sure, there isn't much for you to characterize this lass. Well, keep your seat belts on. The journey has just begun.
So where was I now? Yeah. So this lady was much like any other next door girl you could possibly imagine. Sweet, subtle, soft - spoken, calm, tender - at least that's how the world knew her. Right in her teens, she could probably run for the most eligible bachelor in town! Oh and she was exquisite. Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her!
Friends aside for a moment. She did find that guy. The first guy she ever laid her eyes upon. Rather the first guy, who ever dared to look into her glistening eyes. It was an attraction, she could feel its unsettling grip over her life. Her restlessness overpowered her calm composed self. Yes. She did respond to those behind - the - back stares. She smiled. Boy, does it sound so cliche`. Nonetheless, that's how it all began.
Those morning walks in that lush green park - with no one lurking around. Those first times when he tried to hold her hand, sit next to her - so close that even ants couldn't dare to crawl past them, leave a peck on her cheek, watch her in awe when she smiled. And Oh! Their first kiss. Their most dreaded day. The thought of how the other would react, was killing the two of them. They did end up spending their special date, by the moonlit river, mostly relishing each other's presence with their well accomplished first kiss. She doesn't even remember how many times she had their first kiss do the overruns. Good times nevertheless.
Days passed by, and so did months. They did celebrate their first year of togetherness - in a quite distinguished fashion I should say. Those well-cut suits, those laced dresses, those grandly lit surroundings, that beautiful music, and the mesmerizing ambience - I'm sure you get the drift.
So far so good. Devoid of anyone else's presence in her life - other than herself and her diary of course, she experienced a self-consuming fondness for this guy. He completed her.
A year turned into a few years, and a few years brought with them their own complexities.
They grew up. What seemed to be an all-consuming love, seemed more like a necessary obsession - which if never had existed, probably would have made their lives simpler and easier to deal with. Those love letters from the past, felt silly and childish. Did they ever fall in love? Or was it all that first feel of attraction?
Their jobs got challenging, their lives seemed different. This exquisite lady, never seemed to be at peace. The guy would come home [ yes they lived together ], sit back for a coffee, watch some news - oh he still gave her a peck on the cheek..it all seemed routine. There was something amiss. And that possibly was that everything was too right, too perfect. They did not talk much - other than some boring office over - the -tea discussions, some mutual cribbing and some daily gossip. What seemed to be the perfect future, was turning out to be a perfect disaster. The next steps simply seemed unfathomable.
One day, he came home drunk. She slept. There was this other day, when he brought home his work friends. She slept. Then there was this day, when he came home with another girl. She stayed up the entire night. What seemed like an eternity of a relationship, seemed to crumble to dust. She sought after new people - people whom she could never care about. Somewhere deep down, she still felt for this guy, but it was buried somewhere deep down - a somewhere - to which there was no door that could be opened. It was just there, somewhere.
She sought religious counsel - oh, she was a pure non-believer. Her so-called friends kept checking on her. Who seemed to be an all cheerful lass once, now seemed to be a tormented soul. She could not lay her mind at ease. Did I mention she lived alone now?
What did she do wrong - is what she always wondered. Was he a wrong choice? Was the relationship at a tender age a wrong choice? Was she no good? She did not even have friends. Oh, she must be bad. She did not have answers to so many questions. She stopped going to her workplace. She didn't even find time for her diary. She was so overpowered by her solitude. She purposely threw her phone into that moonlit river. She so wanted to get rid of those engraved first memories. That was all that she would think about. That first touch, that first kiss. All seemed so good then. She cried through the days. Nights were more awful. Sleepless and restless. She didn't remember another night after that one, when she actually slept more than a few moments.
She was too methodical to quit over-thinking. One thought led to another, so did many other thoughts lead to many others, and she would jump-start back from that thought where she first started to think. She kept herself confined to that one room, that one dark ill-lit room.
What happened next, I would rather not get into the details.[ You might notice, I skipped quite a few details here and there.] All I would say is, this lady, who set her first steps into this confused world with such high hopes, was found lying lifeless by the corner of her room. There goes a saying, she never got up from that corner for days.
Why this insanity, is what you would ask. And I shall tell you exactly that.
We all have that young mind inside of us. We all were immature once. We all had fantasies, dreams. I'm very sure, not all of them were fulfilled for either of you. We all led our lives past those caboodle of termed -as -friends people. We all had our share of good luck and bad luck. For some, the good luck saved some grace, for the others, the bad luck seemed to be too overwhelming.
We all have had our crazy times. We all have had sane moments. We all have enjoyed and we all have cried -or maybe just our hearts did. But it all happened to all.
We grow up, and few find a good way to wheel past that maturing phase. Few, find it too difficult to deal with. What life that young lady had, was a life, I've known few people to have. Eventually few managed to spin out of it - nonetheless - the thought of ending it all seemed to be their first steps.
Life is too simple for those who choose to ignore, and is very much complicated for those who delve into the very depths of it.
I wish that everyone finds that sane balance, somewhere in their lifestyles - a balance that suits their work life and their personal lives. The idea of two different lives itself is haunting to many.. Let it not get to the devil in you. Let it be that you - where the Devil perches on one shoulder, and the Angel smiles on the other.
When it gets too overwhelming, just sit back in the breeze and watch the sun rise. It's a wonderful feeling.
Not very long ago, an unseasoned lassie decided to take her first steps into this confused world. She set out to be happy, relinquish her childhood and absolve herself from her indecisiveness. She did intend to make some good friends, make some awe-inspired living, and maybe just maybe find the right lad who would endure her whingeing and nonetheless love her for what she is and what she would aspire to be.
Over the years, she enjoyed some great friendship with her girlfriends, friendships that needed no introduction to this over-occupied world, friendships that would last forever - or so she thought.
They all came, and they all left, barring of course a handful of them - now don't call me names for being so mean. After all, who doesn't change? But she wasn't sad. She was in fact happy, really happy. She did manage to survive. In the process, gained the trust of her two most beloved friends. Care to know who they were? Well, one was her diary, and the other was herself. Two friends who could never betray her, no matter how bad she is to them. They will always, uncontrollably love her. Oh and she did move on. Strong willed she was, yes she was. [ I can feel the tenses going wrong here, but never mind. As long as the idea of the flow seeps in, it's all good. ]
I'm pretty sure, there isn't much for you to characterize this lass. Well, keep your seat belts on. The journey has just begun.
So where was I now? Yeah. So this lady was much like any other next door girl you could possibly imagine. Sweet, subtle, soft - spoken, calm, tender - at least that's how the world knew her. Right in her teens, she could probably run for the most eligible bachelor in town! Oh and she was exquisite. Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her!
Friends aside for a moment. She did find that guy. The first guy she ever laid her eyes upon. Rather the first guy, who ever dared to look into her glistening eyes. It was an attraction, she could feel its unsettling grip over her life. Her restlessness overpowered her calm composed self. Yes. She did respond to those behind - the - back stares. She smiled. Boy, does it sound so cliche`. Nonetheless, that's how it all began.
Those morning walks in that lush green park - with no one lurking around. Those first times when he tried to hold her hand, sit next to her - so close that even ants couldn't dare to crawl past them, leave a peck on her cheek, watch her in awe when she smiled. And Oh! Their first kiss. Their most dreaded day. The thought of how the other would react, was killing the two of them. They did end up spending their special date, by the moonlit river, mostly relishing each other's presence with their well accomplished first kiss. She doesn't even remember how many times she had their first kiss do the overruns. Good times nevertheless.
Days passed by, and so did months. They did celebrate their first year of togetherness - in a quite distinguished fashion I should say. Those well-cut suits, those laced dresses, those grandly lit surroundings, that beautiful music, and the mesmerizing ambience - I'm sure you get the drift.
So far so good. Devoid of anyone else's presence in her life - other than herself and her diary of course, she experienced a self-consuming fondness for this guy. He completed her.
A year turned into a few years, and a few years brought with them their own complexities.
They grew up. What seemed to be an all-consuming love, seemed more like a necessary obsession - which if never had existed, probably would have made their lives simpler and easier to deal with. Those love letters from the past, felt silly and childish. Did they ever fall in love? Or was it all that first feel of attraction?
Their jobs got challenging, their lives seemed different. This exquisite lady, never seemed to be at peace. The guy would come home [ yes they lived together ], sit back for a coffee, watch some news - oh he still gave her a peck on the cheek..it all seemed routine. There was something amiss. And that possibly was that everything was too right, too perfect. They did not talk much - other than some boring office over - the -tea discussions, some mutual cribbing and some daily gossip. What seemed to be the perfect future, was turning out to be a perfect disaster. The next steps simply seemed unfathomable.
One day, he came home drunk. She slept. There was this other day, when he brought home his work friends. She slept. Then there was this day, when he came home with another girl. She stayed up the entire night. What seemed like an eternity of a relationship, seemed to crumble to dust. She sought after new people - people whom she could never care about. Somewhere deep down, she still felt for this guy, but it was buried somewhere deep down - a somewhere - to which there was no door that could be opened. It was just there, somewhere.
She sought religious counsel - oh, she was a pure non-believer. Her so-called friends kept checking on her. Who seemed to be an all cheerful lass once, now seemed to be a tormented soul. She could not lay her mind at ease. Did I mention she lived alone now?
What did she do wrong - is what she always wondered. Was he a wrong choice? Was the relationship at a tender age a wrong choice? Was she no good? She did not even have friends. Oh, she must be bad. She did not have answers to so many questions. She stopped going to her workplace. She didn't even find time for her diary. She was so overpowered by her solitude. She purposely threw her phone into that moonlit river. She so wanted to get rid of those engraved first memories. That was all that she would think about. That first touch, that first kiss. All seemed so good then. She cried through the days. Nights were more awful. Sleepless and restless. She didn't remember another night after that one, when she actually slept more than a few moments.
She was too methodical to quit over-thinking. One thought led to another, so did many other thoughts lead to many others, and she would jump-start back from that thought where she first started to think. She kept herself confined to that one room, that one dark ill-lit room.
What happened next, I would rather not get into the details.[ You might notice, I skipped quite a few details here and there.] All I would say is, this lady, who set her first steps into this confused world with such high hopes, was found lying lifeless by the corner of her room. There goes a saying, she never got up from that corner for days.
Why this insanity, is what you would ask. And I shall tell you exactly that.
We all have that young mind inside of us. We all were immature once. We all had fantasies, dreams. I'm very sure, not all of them were fulfilled for either of you. We all led our lives past those caboodle of termed -as -friends people. We all had our share of good luck and bad luck. For some, the good luck saved some grace, for the others, the bad luck seemed to be too overwhelming.
We all have had our crazy times. We all have had sane moments. We all have enjoyed and we all have cried -or maybe just our hearts did. But it all happened to all.
We grow up, and few find a good way to wheel past that maturing phase. Few, find it too difficult to deal with. What life that young lady had, was a life, I've known few people to have. Eventually few managed to spin out of it - nonetheless - the thought of ending it all seemed to be their first steps.
Life is too simple for those who choose to ignore, and is very much complicated for those who delve into the very depths of it.
I wish that everyone finds that sane balance, somewhere in their lifestyles - a balance that suits their work life and their personal lives. The idea of two different lives itself is haunting to many.. Let it not get to the devil in you. Let it be that you - where the Devil perches on one shoulder, and the Angel smiles on the other.
When it gets too overwhelming, just sit back in the breeze and watch the sun rise. It's a wonderful feeling.
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