the other side..

within these four walls
she lay confined...
from the daybreak
till the night...

what it feels when the sun is bright
what it feels when the rain shows its might
the oblong shadows
or the first drops from the sky
all is oblivion

the walls make haven
the Hell or the Heaven
the smile goes unnoticed
and so do the tears
within these four walls
who knows what breathes in here

the mind racing its thoughts
the heart pacing its beats
a deadly combination
but whoz there to see
within these four falls
life is like a sea

the images are revealing
the expressions are concealing
an undead state
for a dead fate
within these four walls
its only me at stake

the love for your love
the love for your friend
it all dies in an instance
the other side tries
the attempt fails with an instinct-
within those four walls
she decides to die

a fall from the rooftop
a dagger in the alcove
a staggering gunshot
a sip of the venom
within these four walls
she lay still
a pillow beside the bed
the soul sits by and kneels

WE exist Beyond Ur Reach

The Darkest corner of the Hell
opened me up into this world
I lay confused..
Writhing on the streets of Pain
Eyes wide open..
Yet sight obscured..
Heart right in there
yep seeping blood
The Irony of my State
Or the Tyranny of this world
It's all the same..

A Soul so Human
yet so Inhumane
The world of wrongs
Was what its world had become
The Entity so sure of going back to Satan..

HE has the Power to wreck the Sane
What will SAtan do to cure the Insane!

The Bizarre state of this Soul
The ghastly appearance of Its restlessness
Lead the way to The Door......
'Ur Time is Up..
Ur Home is Hell...
A Soul that Heaven shall NeVeR bore'

The Hover

when malarkey seems everything
when wants become speechless
when weary is the debonair
when loving is diffident
when hope seems despondent
when thoughts are hackneyed
when reasoning is abnegating
when existence is defying

the ratiocination is The Hover

you scarper this cognition
and you lose your identity
you confront
and the life's rein is yours

ma words in retrospect...

1. kya hua agar aap hamare saath nahi...
kya hua agar manzil utni kareeb nahi...
dost hote hain hausla badhane ke liye....
kya hua agar is dosti mein...
hamari har roz mulaqat nahi....


2. yaad to tum bhi aate ho..
par zara bewaqt aate ho...
ghadiyan kuch aisi chal rahi hoti hain ki...
kuch pal hamari baaton ka...
bewajah gawaa jaate ho....
yaad to tum bhi aate ho...................


3. love is divine..
friendship on the line..
dont let go off the brink..
life will be absolutely fine..

4.. (this used to be ma fav..)

we inherit our relativs by birth, frndz we earn by choice. maybe d very reason, a handful of frndz count more thn a thousand relativs. such is d value of frndz tht sumbody once remarkd " Luv is rarer thn genius itself. And frndship rarer thn luv."


an ear to listn, a voice to comfort, a bond to cherish, a shoulder 4 support. a relatn tht knows no boundaries, one tht supports all dissimilarities. tht's wat frndship is all about. no mattr how diffrnt their choices or simply how diffrnt their identities, true frndz will always be frndz, forevr!

many a momnts they hav sobbd together, laughed together, compromised on so many occasions, sacrificed so many tins. nevr refrain frm tellin each odr, tht u r thr with them 4evr.

RECORDING............

recording: 01:10 am

all lights off to rest...
all mortals cuddled under their blankets..
dogs wailing out on the streets...
clock ticking...
apart from that...no visuals...no sound...
everything "still"
everything "sharp"
and everything absolutely clear...
i could even hear my heartbeats

my head pounding right now...
coz of the real bad ache that i had been putting up with, since this eve...
naah...nothing to worry..
am fine...

past three days...
no net surfing..
i guess...that was more soothing...

today...rather yesterday..was a busy day...
for the first time in the entire holidays..i was made to wake up at 09:00 hrs!!
{don't be surprised...n if u knw me...u wont evn be...al dese days..i had a fixed time....i wok up at sharp 13:00 hrs}
so you can already imagine...it was a stressful day!! ahha...out of the extraordinary for me i.e.!!
ohhk....so i wont bore you with my chores of the day....juz one tin gud out of it.....i bought my b'day dress...(at least...if i don't get netin else fr maslf....dis wil be d one....dat ul see me clad in... )

ohhk...wel..it was a gud day..til d eve...
evrytin fine....
gud infact....

sumhow clock ticked away....
that pounding head of mine....+too much of bein fed wid food(u knw hw it is at home!!dntcha??)+sum stupid modem prob(guys came over to fix it up~~~~naah...none gudluking!)+guests coming over(it was al fine...until they barged into my room....i like it wen i hav d rum juz 2 maslf.....wel...seein shalu..after a long long tym....was as if...a big wonder!! damn...i was a role model fr dem! uuuugghhhhhh....i hate bein draggd into coochi-cooing by uncl n aunts!)+orkutin+ma bro gaming on ma laptop+being fed again(+again+again)-all of this i mentnd.....nd finally.....01:20 am...

.....#####$$$$$###.....ohh...i think...i was almost in a trance.......
01:25 am

//yeah yeah...
i know...
i know....u want this to be recorded as well...ohhkk...so there you go..//

about nine years ago...i was just a li'l brat...too notoriuos...too mischievous....yeah ....too smart at thinking too....can't help that ..can i? ;|
i was everything...that i wish i can be now......
nothing to worry about....
absolutely no fear....
life as easy as it can be.....
all friends everywhere i went...all happy moments....

then one day...we had this singing competition in one of our society clubs....
many talented participants(naah..i dint take part dis tym.. :| )
one of them.....my senior at school...
i was kinda intrigued by her persona....n still....dint like her much....cud neva figure out why....
she sang ,..some famous song from d yellow pages of the past....
she juz read through the whole song while singing...n still she got the second prize...
one statement i remember sayin..."huh...logon ko pura cheez padh ke bhi prize mil jata hai.."

next week....
school as usual...
news read out....morning prayers..the usual...assembly..the usual...
special announcement....not the usual....
"one moment of silence for our dear departed soul last night...................................."
the same senior...who baggd the secnd prize...was dead due to food poisoning.....some tale....i dont remember much.....

i was dumb-struck....
i juz dint knw how to react...no....u bet i was sad...i juz dint knw...hw to react...
i stood there in silence....n for the 1st tym in my life....prayed to god...(m nt much of a prayer kind..)..from the bottom of ma heart.....

n after listenin in dat announcement...wat a darling she was for her family...her friends..her society
the first thing i felt was... GUILT

somehow.....i juz felt.....those words.....wer sumwer in some small part maybe..responsible for this day....

things changed for me after that.....
i still remember...i neva believd in a ruling power more than the visible.....
i sumwat blvd in god...
but from that day onwards...i believed in spirits..
spirits wid pure heart....gud souls.....

i dnt knw...wedr ul blv it or not...
i wont ask u to blv it.....

i saw radiance once...wer der was no source of light oder than my night bulb....no lightning....nothing.....
n in that split second.....al i felt was that song that she sang....as if shez singing it to me.....
i gues...it wud hav bin...a realy short span......

i dont knw...
i fell asleep...

next day...
evrything normal....
notin changed..notin supernatural...notin extraordinary....
juz one strong vigour....
that i had to live my life.....through all odds....

i dont knw..wat was dat feeling....i was too li'l to knw dat.....
juz sumtin....wich i neva cud figure out...
not evn nw....

i stil rem her face...
n toady i feel....she was a real sweetheart...
n yeah..she was charming...

if i cud take one thing bak from ma life.......
it wud be dis smal thing...wich..sumhow..is too big for ma life....
i wana tak bak ....wat i said for her....


one thing i believe now is......

there are special ppl in evryone's life....
we may not knw evryone...
but...evry single gud soul....is prized by someone or the other...
it may not be me,....it may not be u....
but it may be...sum1....around u.....

i wish i cud do something.....
i wish....i cud...change...al dat..dat neva hapnd for the good....

life is too short.....
one moment ur breathing...
the oder moment..u myt drop dead..

one promise i make to you ..my loved ones...
no matter what.....
you'l be the harmony of my soul...
you'l be my pride....
no matter what....
til my last breath.....in my soul will your presence reside.......

recording: 01:55 am

the last light flickers...
the clock ticks away...
dogs still wailing on the streets....juz a li'l louder....
all mortals...in deep sleep....

in this darkness that surrounds the cold air....
this mortal....
bids adieu....

recording: 01:56 am
......###$$$$####>......no signal...

.........was that a streak of light in the dark?????......
........#####$$$$####.................//.....it's not a good feeling..............

...................................................................................................................

I FEEL...

i feel "that" darkness in me...
i feel "that" hole swirling in me...
i feel "that" hatred..
i feel "that" voice..
i feel "that" vision...
i feel "that" laughter...
i feel "that" pain...
i feel "that" power...
and i feel.....
someday.....il know.."what" lies beneath
someday.....il know.."who" is the real ME