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| Fight your own wars |
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Steins Gate
The thoughts awry, the flashes in disarray - it all seems an emotionless galore - a reality which has emotions thriving to glory. Absurd? Welcome to this grim world of sane insanity, or would you rather just have it as insane sanity.
Not very long ago, an unseasoned lassie decided to take her first steps into this confused world. She set out to be happy, relinquish her childhood and absolve herself from her indecisiveness. She did intend to make some good friends, make some awe-inspired living, and maybe just maybe find the right lad who would endure her whingeing and nonetheless love her for what she is and what she would aspire to be.
Over the years, she enjoyed some great friendship with her girlfriends, friendships that needed no introduction to this over-occupied world, friendships that would last forever - or so she thought.
They all came, and they all left, barring of course a handful of them - now don't call me names for being so mean. After all, who doesn't change? But she wasn't sad. She was in fact happy, really happy. She did manage to survive. In the process, gained the trust of her two most beloved friends. Care to know who they were? Well, one was her diary, and the other was herself. Two friends who could never betray her, no matter how bad she is to them. They will always, uncontrollably love her. Oh and she did move on. Strong willed she was, yes she was. [ I can feel the tenses going wrong here, but never mind. As long as the idea of the flow seeps in, it's all good. ]
I'm pretty sure, there isn't much for you to characterize this lass. Well, keep your seat belts on. The journey has just begun.
So where was I now? Yeah. So this lady was much like any other next door girl you could possibly imagine. Sweet, subtle, soft - spoken, calm, tender - at least that's how the world knew her. Right in her teens, she could probably run for the most eligible bachelor in town! Oh and she was exquisite. Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her!
Friends aside for a moment. She did find that guy. The first guy she ever laid her eyes upon. Rather the first guy, who ever dared to look into her glistening eyes. It was an attraction, she could feel its unsettling grip over her life. Her restlessness overpowered her calm composed self. Yes. She did respond to those behind - the - back stares. She smiled. Boy, does it sound so cliche`. Nonetheless, that's how it all began.
Those morning walks in that lush green park - with no one lurking around. Those first times when he tried to hold her hand, sit next to her - so close that even ants couldn't dare to crawl past them, leave a peck on her cheek, watch her in awe when she smiled. And Oh! Their first kiss. Their most dreaded day. The thought of how the other would react, was killing the two of them. They did end up spending their special date, by the moonlit river, mostly relishing each other's presence with their well accomplished first kiss. She doesn't even remember how many times she had their first kiss do the overruns. Good times nevertheless.
Days passed by, and so did months. They did celebrate their first year of togetherness - in a quite distinguished fashion I should say. Those well-cut suits, those laced dresses, those grandly lit surroundings, that beautiful music, and the mesmerizing ambience - I'm sure you get the drift.
So far so good. Devoid of anyone else's presence in her life - other than herself and her diary of course, she experienced a self-consuming fondness for this guy. He completed her.
A year turned into a few years, and a few years brought with them their own complexities.
They grew up. What seemed to be an all-consuming love, seemed more like a necessary obsession - which if never had existed, probably would have made their lives simpler and easier to deal with. Those love letters from the past, felt silly and childish. Did they ever fall in love? Or was it all that first feel of attraction?
Their jobs got challenging, their lives seemed different. This exquisite lady, never seemed to be at peace. The guy would come home [ yes they lived together ], sit back for a coffee, watch some news - oh he still gave her a peck on the cheek..it all seemed routine. There was something amiss. And that possibly was that everything was too right, too perfect. They did not talk much - other than some boring office over - the -tea discussions, some mutual cribbing and some daily gossip. What seemed to be the perfect future, was turning out to be a perfect disaster. The next steps simply seemed unfathomable.
One day, he came home drunk. She slept. There was this other day, when he brought home his work friends. She slept. Then there was this day, when he came home with another girl. She stayed up the entire night. What seemed like an eternity of a relationship, seemed to crumble to dust. She sought after new people - people whom she could never care about. Somewhere deep down, she still felt for this guy, but it was buried somewhere deep down - a somewhere - to which there was no door that could be opened. It was just there, somewhere.
She sought religious counsel - oh, she was a pure non-believer. Her so-called friends kept checking on her. Who seemed to be an all cheerful lass once, now seemed to be a tormented soul. She could not lay her mind at ease. Did I mention she lived alone now?
What did she do wrong - is what she always wondered. Was he a wrong choice? Was the relationship at a tender age a wrong choice? Was she no good? She did not even have friends. Oh, she must be bad. She did not have answers to so many questions. She stopped going to her workplace. She didn't even find time for her diary. She was so overpowered by her solitude. She purposely threw her phone into that moonlit river. She so wanted to get rid of those engraved first memories. That was all that she would think about. That first touch, that first kiss. All seemed so good then. She cried through the days. Nights were more awful. Sleepless and restless. She didn't remember another night after that one, when she actually slept more than a few moments.
She was too methodical to quit over-thinking. One thought led to another, so did many other thoughts lead to many others, and she would jump-start back from that thought where she first started to think. She kept herself confined to that one room, that one dark ill-lit room.
What happened next, I would rather not get into the details.[ You might notice, I skipped quite a few details here and there.] All I would say is, this lady, who set her first steps into this confused world with such high hopes, was found lying lifeless by the corner of her room. There goes a saying, she never got up from that corner for days.
Why this insanity, is what you would ask. And I shall tell you exactly that.
We all have that young mind inside of us. We all were immature once. We all had fantasies, dreams. I'm very sure, not all of them were fulfilled for either of you. We all led our lives past those caboodle of termed -as -friends people. We all had our share of good luck and bad luck. For some, the good luck saved some grace, for the others, the bad luck seemed to be too overwhelming.
We all have had our crazy times. We all have had sane moments. We all have enjoyed and we all have cried -or maybe just our hearts did. But it all happened to all.
We grow up, and few find a good way to wheel past that maturing phase. Few, find it too difficult to deal with. What life that young lady had, was a life, I've known few people to have. Eventually few managed to spin out of it - nonetheless - the thought of ending it all seemed to be their first steps.
Life is too simple for those who choose to ignore, and is very much complicated for those who delve into the very depths of it.
I wish that everyone finds that sane balance, somewhere in their lifestyles - a balance that suits their work life and their personal lives. The idea of two different lives itself is haunting to many.. Let it not get to the devil in you. Let it be that you - where the Devil perches on one shoulder, and the Angel smiles on the other.
When it gets too overwhelming, just sit back in the breeze and watch the sun rise. It's a wonderful feeling.
Not very long ago, an unseasoned lassie decided to take her first steps into this confused world. She set out to be happy, relinquish her childhood and absolve herself from her indecisiveness. She did intend to make some good friends, make some awe-inspired living, and maybe just maybe find the right lad who would endure her whingeing and nonetheless love her for what she is and what she would aspire to be.
Over the years, she enjoyed some great friendship with her girlfriends, friendships that needed no introduction to this over-occupied world, friendships that would last forever - or so she thought.
They all came, and they all left, barring of course a handful of them - now don't call me names for being so mean. After all, who doesn't change? But she wasn't sad. She was in fact happy, really happy. She did manage to survive. In the process, gained the trust of her two most beloved friends. Care to know who they were? Well, one was her diary, and the other was herself. Two friends who could never betray her, no matter how bad she is to them. They will always, uncontrollably love her. Oh and she did move on. Strong willed she was, yes she was. [ I can feel the tenses going wrong here, but never mind. As long as the idea of the flow seeps in, it's all good. ]
I'm pretty sure, there isn't much for you to characterize this lass. Well, keep your seat belts on. The journey has just begun.
So where was I now? Yeah. So this lady was much like any other next door girl you could possibly imagine. Sweet, subtle, soft - spoken, calm, tender - at least that's how the world knew her. Right in her teens, she could probably run for the most eligible bachelor in town! Oh and she was exquisite. Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of his life with her!
Friends aside for a moment. She did find that guy. The first guy she ever laid her eyes upon. Rather the first guy, who ever dared to look into her glistening eyes. It was an attraction, she could feel its unsettling grip over her life. Her restlessness overpowered her calm composed self. Yes. She did respond to those behind - the - back stares. She smiled. Boy, does it sound so cliche`. Nonetheless, that's how it all began.
Those morning walks in that lush green park - with no one lurking around. Those first times when he tried to hold her hand, sit next to her - so close that even ants couldn't dare to crawl past them, leave a peck on her cheek, watch her in awe when she smiled. And Oh! Their first kiss. Their most dreaded day. The thought of how the other would react, was killing the two of them. They did end up spending their special date, by the moonlit river, mostly relishing each other's presence with their well accomplished first kiss. She doesn't even remember how many times she had their first kiss do the overruns. Good times nevertheless.
Days passed by, and so did months. They did celebrate their first year of togetherness - in a quite distinguished fashion I should say. Those well-cut suits, those laced dresses, those grandly lit surroundings, that beautiful music, and the mesmerizing ambience - I'm sure you get the drift.
So far so good. Devoid of anyone else's presence in her life - other than herself and her diary of course, she experienced a self-consuming fondness for this guy. He completed her.
A year turned into a few years, and a few years brought with them their own complexities.
They grew up. What seemed to be an all-consuming love, seemed more like a necessary obsession - which if never had existed, probably would have made their lives simpler and easier to deal with. Those love letters from the past, felt silly and childish. Did they ever fall in love? Or was it all that first feel of attraction?
Their jobs got challenging, their lives seemed different. This exquisite lady, never seemed to be at peace. The guy would come home [ yes they lived together ], sit back for a coffee, watch some news - oh he still gave her a peck on the cheek..it all seemed routine. There was something amiss. And that possibly was that everything was too right, too perfect. They did not talk much - other than some boring office over - the -tea discussions, some mutual cribbing and some daily gossip. What seemed to be the perfect future, was turning out to be a perfect disaster. The next steps simply seemed unfathomable.
One day, he came home drunk. She slept. There was this other day, when he brought home his work friends. She slept. Then there was this day, when he came home with another girl. She stayed up the entire night. What seemed like an eternity of a relationship, seemed to crumble to dust. She sought after new people - people whom she could never care about. Somewhere deep down, she still felt for this guy, but it was buried somewhere deep down - a somewhere - to which there was no door that could be opened. It was just there, somewhere.
She sought religious counsel - oh, she was a pure non-believer. Her so-called friends kept checking on her. Who seemed to be an all cheerful lass once, now seemed to be a tormented soul. She could not lay her mind at ease. Did I mention she lived alone now?
What did she do wrong - is what she always wondered. Was he a wrong choice? Was the relationship at a tender age a wrong choice? Was she no good? She did not even have friends. Oh, she must be bad. She did not have answers to so many questions. She stopped going to her workplace. She didn't even find time for her diary. She was so overpowered by her solitude. She purposely threw her phone into that moonlit river. She so wanted to get rid of those engraved first memories. That was all that she would think about. That first touch, that first kiss. All seemed so good then. She cried through the days. Nights were more awful. Sleepless and restless. She didn't remember another night after that one, when she actually slept more than a few moments.
She was too methodical to quit over-thinking. One thought led to another, so did many other thoughts lead to many others, and she would jump-start back from that thought where she first started to think. She kept herself confined to that one room, that one dark ill-lit room.
What happened next, I would rather not get into the details.[ You might notice, I skipped quite a few details here and there.] All I would say is, this lady, who set her first steps into this confused world with such high hopes, was found lying lifeless by the corner of her room. There goes a saying, she never got up from that corner for days.
Why this insanity, is what you would ask. And I shall tell you exactly that.
We all have that young mind inside of us. We all were immature once. We all had fantasies, dreams. I'm very sure, not all of them were fulfilled for either of you. We all led our lives past those caboodle of termed -as -friends people. We all had our share of good luck and bad luck. For some, the good luck saved some grace, for the others, the bad luck seemed to be too overwhelming.
We all have had our crazy times. We all have had sane moments. We all have enjoyed and we all have cried -or maybe just our hearts did. But it all happened to all.
We grow up, and few find a good way to wheel past that maturing phase. Few, find it too difficult to deal with. What life that young lady had, was a life, I've known few people to have. Eventually few managed to spin out of it - nonetheless - the thought of ending it all seemed to be their first steps.
Life is too simple for those who choose to ignore, and is very much complicated for those who delve into the very depths of it.
I wish that everyone finds that sane balance, somewhere in their lifestyles - a balance that suits their work life and their personal lives. The idea of two different lives itself is haunting to many.. Let it not get to the devil in you. Let it be that you - where the Devil perches on one shoulder, and the Angel smiles on the other.
When it gets too overwhelming, just sit back in the breeze and watch the sun rise. It's a wonderful feeling.
The Immortal Synchrony
An escape from the real world
Is what this used to give me
Forgotten is the art
Forgotten is the solace
Forgotten are the verses
Forgotten are the memories
Time is vicious
It makes you live
It makes you struggle
It makes you do things you never were able to control
Time is God
For there is no other God
It has you on a leash
You falter and your time is up
It's easy to blame
It's easy to neglect
It's easy to give up
But it's never easy to pay the price
Pay the price of your misdoings
Pay the price of your ignorance
Pay the price of never trying so hard
Life is famed to be limited
That is the only thing you can be sure of
It's your job to make it worthwhile
I know I have been taking it for granted
Since quite some time
Trying too hard
Forgetting that too hard was never my style
Which brings me back to what was right in my life
When I exercised smartness in a much smarter fashion
When solidarity was what I gained from every post of mine
When control is what I leveraged after piecing my stray thoughts
A forgotten art
But a practiced soul
This part of me
Has just found it's long lost goal
A pen is mightier than a sword they say
To all those times where words find the love of another soul
To all those who find motivation
This not so time-tortured mortal
Is back
Back for good.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Last existence
With the growing melancholy every second
She sat by that solitary tree
Agaze at it's reflection
In the moonlit lake.
Was she an uncouth avenger
Or a lost grieving soul
She bore the semblance
Of a story untold.
Long flowing hair
Dark laden eyes
Frail hands
Jaded legs
Her benumb face glistened in the sanctimonious moonlight.
I see her lips move
I can't fathom what she is trying to say
I catch a fleeting glimpse
As I walk deep past her amidst the shadows
I see that tear drop make its way to the sodden ground
I see those eyes as she sets her gaze upon me.
O'h that frozen moment
My heart writhes in pain
That face
O'h that human face.
I remember that day
When I sat there by that tree
Staring at it's reflection
That blood sodden ground neath me
That obliterated murder
O'h now I remember
I feel that tear drop make its way to that sodden ground
As I behold my last existence.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
RECORDING .......... 2
recording: 04:36 am
rooftop, chilly wind, rustle of the leaves, a bright moon, deathly shadows...
meandering bats speckling the lights from the mighty ITPL edifices...
a pristine view...nature at its best.
back against the railing...a folded knee...
a battered laptop (..oh its still new!! ) ...
a numbness, a calm..
a serene flavor...
i wonder when i had this peace of mind...
seems to me like an era has flown past right before my eyes.....
yet another long day....
work on a saturday...yeah i knw it sux... ##@@###...
some awesome Bleach thereafter......
a bit of Mafia Wars spacing the gaps...
###...Oh i should have gotten a jacket here ^^&&###
freezing......
04:50 am [armed wid my jean jacket]
// don't knw y i want to get this recorded.....it juz needs to be...//
it's those small moments that matter in the end......
9th December 2010... 11:00 pm....
Hostel room #746...4 friends....
the normal gossip routine....
whats the hot movie in town....
ohh he looks so good......
ohh shez so yuck.......
ohh the two of them together $$%% God save the souls!! @#$....
2 battered laptops ( oh dese r very old!! )...
ION wi-fi....some crappy youtube videos.....
some old memories.......
some impish laughs...
some puny cell phones....
last day of end sem......last exam of our lives.......
a happiness bound by no chains....
a sense of freedom.....
the last day in college.....
an internship to look forward to...
a job to dwell upon.........
wat a day it was....
ppl partying hard......after al it was CS that always got done wid its exams first...
oders still savoring our excitement......evn tho dey had exam fvr over der head....
it was the best feelin ever.....
---------------------------------------
a night that no one can ever forget.......
---------------------------------------
11:15 pm
constant beeping of those puny beings...
ohh ppl shud learn how we ignore \m/
no1 shud interfere....we were havin our imperishable moments together....
2 missed calls....3 missed calls...4th missed call...
5th....my friend had to take dis call dis time...it was juz too much....
a faint smile as she said hello... (why so many calls dude..!! )
a devouring tear the next moment......
the three of us were appalled.......what happened????.....was what evry1's expression pored into her eyes...
the world stood still...we had to get her off the call.....we had to know..what made her snap in an instant...
we had to know....we had to know........
11:30 pm
at first it didn't register....it just didn't register.......it simply dint......
11:40 pm
WHAT!!!! HOW!!! WHY!!! WHY NOW!!! WHY TONIGHT!!! WHY THIS MOMENT????
11:50 pm
calls calls and more calls....evry1 was talkin....wid evry1 ........
juz too many calls.......
12:30 am
6th floor balcony......1 abandoned chair....on that..sat one abandoned soul....
01:00 am
Too much to reason....too much to dwell upon...what internship what job.....its all materialistic...
how does it even matter......
02:00 am
tears found der way to dis world.....
03:00 am
it all registered....
it finally did......
04:00 am
Life is so short.....y do we even bother to run aftr things that dont matter.....
excessive money...compelling work life...obsessive dreams....
for whom? for what purpose??
You should live it the best way you can NOW not strive to make it the best..for a time..ur NOT EVEN sure of........
Life is just a bitch.....lez not make it worse.....
05:00 am
It was just today morning..the time right before our last exam....
He said....aur Aakanksha....aj Dee Tee pe milte hain fir...all the best for our last exam... :)
that smile.....that last look..i still remember.........
its etched deep down my memory lane........
A deathly bike....a cursed tanker.....
I wish we had more time...........i wish the doctors were more efficient...
I wish....it wasnt you......how cud it be u.......we used to sit in the adjacent benches...
4 yrs in one section...always the same room......
neva thot wud feel it so close to my heart...dis feelin of emptiness......
i wish i had no soul........
The way you called out my name...the way i cud neva forget....
the birthday party.....
the DJing together.....
Dose bihari songs......
Dat dance floor.....
I cud still see u der.........
Y u o friend...y u........
Wish you were here.......
Wish u cud c dis...
wish i cud reverse the particles of time....
and juz remove dat death road from the journey of your life.....
Wish dat no such thing ever happens...to neone i know.....neone i care about....
Loved ur company my friend......
Such a happy soul u were...
just wen i was starting to wonder....wud i ever be able to meet my friends...how will i make al dat happen...
we should find some way to keep up in our lives....just wen i was planin our future meetins wid al my pals...
it turns out...i will NEVER be able to meet that one friend...with that smile....
i dont think it will ever sink in.....i dont think il ever believe this happened.......
$$$########...........present day.........%$$$$$$$$$$$$%
05:39 am
I think I can see you amongst those bright stars......
That star..smiling right back at me...that star....saying....hey Aakanksha...kaisi hai tu....
like he alwas used to say........
###.......$#$%$%^.........y is it still freezing out here.......#$..%%^^^.......
I had my jacket on......yes i did........i went back n i got to my room....n i picked that jean jacket up....
i remember doing that.......it was dark....c!! i even forgot my slippers in the process......
##$$....%%^^
If i did not pick the jacket up....then what was that warm touch wen i picked it up???????
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
SWEET DREAMS..
the aroha,
oh..the wine,
a pristine shiver
immaculately divine
words suffice not
to live the fear
oh..my precious..
are u here?
my eyes are cold
i see obscure
oh..wait..
is it just the emotionless galore?
the verses peachy
the promises sore
oh..a wonder
is there not a soul?
a gentle touch
a soft kiss
a sweet whisper
an enchantment pure
a numbness of time
an immortal synchrony
oh..thy embrace
a different world
it's beauty divine
a bed of reality
roses unreal
amongst fake mortals
a dream so real
the aroha,
oh..the wine
a pristine shiver
immaculately divine
Thursday, May 13, 2010
AUXESIS
In the shattered reflection of the Past I dwell,
Was it memories or feelings, it’s hard to tell;
My mother’s cry, my father’s hell,
My sister and I have a story to tell.
Was it memories or feelings, it’s hard to tell;
My mother’s cry, my father’s hell,
My sister and I have a story to tell.
Ages passed by, the road was our haven;
A dime, a coin; amongst none we were mistaken,
Inedible trash, unfathomable living;
Oh, poor soul don’t worry,
My sister and I are far from complaining.
A dime, a coin; amongst none we were mistaken,
Inedible trash, unfathomable living;
Oh, poor soul don’t worry,
My sister and I are far from complaining.
It was few years to crawl out of adolescence,
an angel, a beauty, my sister;
my neighbors cried of insolence.
an angel, a beauty, my sister;
my neighbors cried of insolence.
I worked all day, I worked all night;
my master’s glory, my mistress’ pride;
It was a dream that did not pass by.
my master’s glory, my mistress’ pride;
It was a dream that did not pass by.
It was one day, when that sire arrived;
accustomed to our presence,
on the street he stopped by,
A limo, the sire, in formals with a tie;
My master, my savior, my mentor in disguise.
accustomed to our presence,
on the street he stopped by,
A limo, the sire, in formals with a tie;
My master, my savior, my mentor in disguise.
A sister to take pride on married my master’s son,
a wonderful proposal, a beautiful wedding,
oh, what a joy was my master’s son.
a wonderful proposal, a beautiful wedding,
oh, what a joy was my master’s son.
The day of the past, a horrifying day;
My mother’s scream, a dreadful tale;
My father’s blade, my worst nightmare;
A fatal stroke, and the world went stale;
My mother’s body, the ceiling did she stare.
My mother’s scream, a dreadful tale;
My father’s blade, my worst nightmare;
A fatal stroke, and the world went stale;
My mother’s body, the ceiling did she stare.
The sire was dying, lying bare on the road;
Another tale of murder, as a stone so cold;
I ran and ran, till I found a van;
I couldn’t save my mother,
couldn’t bear to see another so sore.
Another tale of murder, as a stone so cold;
I ran and ran, till I found a van;
I couldn’t save my mother,
couldn’t bear to see another so sore.
We all have difficult times I say,
May not be the past that I share,
Give up, grow up, life is a puzzle per se;
Change is persistent, misery is not;
Auxesis my friend, is how we live on.
May not be the past that I share,
Give up, grow up, life is a puzzle per se;
Change is persistent, misery is not;
Auxesis my friend, is how we live on.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
the other side..
within these four walls
she lay confined...
from the daybreak
till the night...
what it feels when the sun is bright
what it feels when the rain shows its might
the oblong shadows
or the first drops from the sky
all is oblivion
the walls make haven
the Hell or the Heaven
the smile goes unnoticed
and so do the tears
within these four walls
who knows what breathes in here
the mind racing its thoughts
the heart pacing its beats
a deadly combination
but whoz there to see
within these four falls
life is like a sea
the images are revealing
the expressions are concealing
an undead state
for a dead fate
within these four walls
its only me at stake
the love for your love
the love for your friend
it all dies in an instance
the other side tries
the attempt fails with an instinct-
within those four walls
she decides to die
a fall from the rooftop
a dagger in the alcove
a staggering gunshot
a sip of the venom
within these four walls
she lay still
a pillow beside the bed
the soul sits by and kneels
she lay confined...
from the daybreak
till the night...
what it feels when the sun is bright
what it feels when the rain shows its might
the oblong shadows
or the first drops from the sky
all is oblivion
the walls make haven
the Hell or the Heaven
the smile goes unnoticed
and so do the tears
within these four walls
who knows what breathes in here
the mind racing its thoughts
the heart pacing its beats
a deadly combination
but whoz there to see
within these four falls
life is like a sea
the images are revealing
the expressions are concealing
an undead state
for a dead fate
within these four walls
its only me at stake
the love for your love
the love for your friend
it all dies in an instance
the other side tries
the attempt fails with an instinct-
within those four walls
she decides to die
a fall from the rooftop
a dagger in the alcove
a staggering gunshot
a sip of the venom
within these four walls
she lay still
a pillow beside the bed
the soul sits by and kneels
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
WE exist Beyond Ur Reach
The Darkest corner of the Hell
opened me up into this world
I lay confused..
Writhing on the streets of Pain
Eyes wide open..
Yet sight obscured..
Heart right in there
yep seeping blood
The Irony of my State
Or the Tyranny of this world
It's all the same..
A Soul so Human
yet so Inhumane
The world of wrongs
Was what its world had become
The Entity so sure of going back to Satan..
HE has the Power to wreck the Sane
What will SAtan do to cure the Insane!
The Bizarre state of this Soul
The ghastly appearance of Its restlessness
Lead the way to The Door......
'Ur Time is Up..
Ur Home is Hell...
A Soul that Heaven shall NeVeR bore'
opened me up into this world
I lay confused..
Writhing on the streets of Pain
Eyes wide open..
Yet sight obscured..
Heart right in there
yep seeping blood
The Irony of my State
Or the Tyranny of this world
It's all the same..
A Soul so Human
yet so Inhumane
The world of wrongs
Was what its world had become
The Entity so sure of going back to Satan..
HE has the Power to wreck the Sane
What will SAtan do to cure the Insane!
The Bizarre state of this Soul
The ghastly appearance of Its restlessness
Lead the way to The Door......
'Ur Time is Up..
Ur Home is Hell...
A Soul that Heaven shall NeVeR bore'
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
The Hover
when malarkey seems everything
when wants become speechless
when weary is the debonair
when loving is diffident
when hope seems despondent
when thoughts are hackneyed
when reasoning is abnegating
when existence is defying
the ratiocination is The Hover
you scarper this cognition
and you lose your identity
you confront
and the life's rein is yours
when wants become speechless
when weary is the debonair
when loving is diffident
when hope seems despondent
when thoughts are hackneyed
when reasoning is abnegating
when existence is defying
the ratiocination is The Hover
you scarper this cognition
and you lose your identity
you confront
and the life's rein is yours
Sunday, January 4, 2009
ma words in retrospect...
1. kya hua agar aap hamare saath nahi...
kya hua agar manzil utni kareeb nahi...
dost hote hain hausla badhane ke liye....
kya hua agar is dosti mein...
hamari har roz mulaqat nahi....
2. yaad to tum bhi aate ho..
par zara bewaqt aate ho...
ghadiyan kuch aisi chal rahi hoti hain ki...
kuch pal hamari baaton ka...
bewajah gawaa jaate ho....
yaad to tum bhi aate ho...................
3. love is divine..
friendship on the line..
dont let go off the brink..
life will be absolutely fine..
4.. (this used to be ma fav..)
we inherit our relativs by birth, frndz we earn by choice. maybe d very reason, a handful of frndz count more thn a thousand relativs. such is d value of frndz tht sumbody once remarkd " Luv is rarer thn genius itself. And frndship rarer thn luv."
an ear to listn, a voice to comfort, a bond to cherish, a shoulder 4 support. a relatn tht knows no boundaries, one tht supports all dissimilarities. tht's wat frndship is all about. no mattr how diffrnt their choices or simply how diffrnt their identities, true frndz will always be frndz, forevr!
many a momnts they hav sobbd together, laughed together, compromised on so many occasions, sacrificed so many tins. nevr refrain frm tellin each odr, tht u r thr with them 4evr.
kya hua agar manzil utni kareeb nahi...
dost hote hain hausla badhane ke liye....
kya hua agar is dosti mein...
hamari har roz mulaqat nahi....
2. yaad to tum bhi aate ho..
par zara bewaqt aate ho...
ghadiyan kuch aisi chal rahi hoti hain ki...
kuch pal hamari baaton ka...
bewajah gawaa jaate ho....
yaad to tum bhi aate ho...................
3. love is divine..
friendship on the line..
dont let go off the brink..
life will be absolutely fine..
4.. (this used to be ma fav..)
we inherit our relativs by birth, frndz we earn by choice. maybe d very reason, a handful of frndz count more thn a thousand relativs. such is d value of frndz tht sumbody once remarkd " Luv is rarer thn genius itself. And frndship rarer thn luv."
an ear to listn, a voice to comfort, a bond to cherish, a shoulder 4 support. a relatn tht knows no boundaries, one tht supports all dissimilarities. tht's wat frndship is all about. no mattr how diffrnt their choices or simply how diffrnt their identities, true frndz will always be frndz, forevr!
many a momnts they hav sobbd together, laughed together, compromised on so many occasions, sacrificed so many tins. nevr refrain frm tellin each odr, tht u r thr with them 4evr.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
RECORDING............
recording: 01:10 am
all lights off to rest...
all mortals cuddled under their blankets..
dogs wailing out on the streets...
clock ticking...
apart from that...no visuals...no sound...
everything "still"
everything "sharp"
and everything absolutely clear...
i could even hear my heartbeats
my head pounding right now...
coz of the real bad ache that i had been putting up with, since this eve...
naah...nothing to worry..
am fine...
past three days...
no net surfing..
i guess...that was more soothing...
today...rather yesterday..was a busy day...
for the first time in the entire holidays..i was made to wake up at 09:00 hrs!!
{don't be surprised...n if u knw me...u wont evn be...al dese days..i had a fixed time....i wok up at sharp 13:00 hrs}
so you can already imagine...it was a stressful day!! ahha...out of the extraordinary for me i.e.!!
ohhk....so i wont bore you with my chores of the day....juz one tin gud out of it.....i bought my b'day dress...(at least...if i don't get netin else fr maslf....dis wil be d one....dat ul see me clad in... )
ohhk...wel..it was a gud day..til d eve...
evrytin fine....
gud infact....
sumhow clock ticked away....
that pounding head of mine....+too much of bein fed wid food(u knw hw it is at home!!dntcha??)+sum stupid modem prob(guys came over to fix it up~~~~naah...none gudluking!)+guests coming over(it was al fine...until they barged into my room....i like it wen i hav d rum juz 2 maslf.....wel...seein shalu..after a long long tym....was as if...a big wonder!! damn...i was a role model fr dem! uuuugghhhhhh....i hate bein draggd into coochi-cooing by uncl n aunts!)+orkutin+ma bro gaming on ma laptop+being fed again(+again+again)-all of this i mentnd.....nd finally.....01:20 am...
.....#####$$$$$###.....ohh...i think...i was almost in a trance.......
01:25 am
//yeah yeah...
i know...
i know....u want this to be recorded as well...ohhkk...so there you go..//
about nine years ago...i was just a li'l brat...too notoriuos...too mischievous....yeah ....too smart at thinking too....can't help that ..can i? ;|
i was everything...that i wish i can be now......
nothing to worry about....
absolutely no fear....
life as easy as it can be.....
all friends everywhere i went...all happy moments....
then one day...we had this singing competition in one of our society clubs....
many talented participants(naah..i dint take part dis tym.. :| )
one of them.....my senior at school...
i was kinda intrigued by her persona....n still....dint like her much....cud neva figure out why....
she sang ,..some famous song from d yellow pages of the past....
she juz read through the whole song while singing...n still she got the second prize...
one statement i remember sayin..."huh...logon ko pura cheez padh ke bhi prize mil jata hai.."
next week....
school as usual...
news read out....morning prayers..the usual...assembly..the usual...
special announcement....not the usual....
"one moment of silence for our dear departed soul last night...................................."
the same senior...who baggd the secnd prize...was dead due to food poisoning.....some tale....i dont remember much.....
i was dumb-struck....
i juz dint knw how to react...no....u bet i was sad...i juz dint knw...hw to react...
i stood there in silence....n for the 1st tym in my life....prayed to god...(m nt much of a prayer kind..)..from the bottom of ma heart.....
n after listenin in dat announcement...wat a darling she was for her family...her friends..her society
the first thing i felt was... GUILT
somehow.....i juz felt.....those words.....wer sumwer in some small part maybe..responsible for this day....
things changed for me after that.....
i still remember...i neva believd in a ruling power more than the visible.....
i sumwat blvd in god...
but from that day onwards...i believed in spirits..
spirits wid pure heart....gud souls.....
i dnt knw...wedr ul blv it or not...
i wont ask u to blv it.....
i saw radiance once...wer der was no source of light oder than my night bulb....no lightning....nothing.....
n in that split second.....al i felt was that song that she sang....as if shez singing it to me.....
i gues...it wud hav bin...a realy short span......
i dont knw...
i fell asleep...
next day...
evrything normal....
notin changed..notin supernatural...notin extraordinary....
juz one strong vigour....
that i had to live my life.....through all odds....
i dont knw..wat was dat feeling....i was too li'l to knw dat.....
juz sumtin....wich i neva cud figure out...
not evn nw....
i stil rem her face...
n toady i feel....she was a real sweetheart...
n yeah..she was charming...
if i cud take one thing bak from ma life.......
it wud be dis smal thing...wich..sumhow..is too big for ma life....
i wana tak bak ....wat i said for her....
one thing i believe now is......
there are special ppl in evryone's life....
we may not knw evryone...
but...evry single gud soul....is prized by someone or the other...
it may not be me,....it may not be u....
but it may be...sum1....around u.....
i wish i cud do something.....
i wish....i cud...change...al dat..dat neva hapnd for the good....
life is too short.....
one moment ur breathing...
the oder moment..u myt drop dead..
one promise i make to you ..my loved ones...
no matter what.....
you'l be the harmony of my soul...
you'l be my pride....
no matter what....
til my last breath.....in my soul will your presence reside.......
recording: 01:55 am
the last light flickers...
the clock ticks away...
dogs still wailing on the streets....juz a li'l louder....
all mortals...in deep sleep....
in this darkness that surrounds the cold air....
this mortal....
bids adieu....
recording: 01:56 am
......###$$$$####>......no signal...
.........was that a streak of light in the dark?????......
........#####$$$$####.................//.....it's not a good feeling..............
...................................................................................................................
all lights off to rest...
all mortals cuddled under their blankets..
dogs wailing out on the streets...
clock ticking...
apart from that...no visuals...no sound...
everything "still"
everything "sharp"
and everything absolutely clear...
i could even hear my heartbeats
my head pounding right now...
coz of the real bad ache that i had been putting up with, since this eve...
naah...nothing to worry..
am fine...
past three days...
no net surfing..
i guess...that was more soothing...
today...rather yesterday..was a busy day...
for the first time in the entire holidays..i was made to wake up at 09:00 hrs!!
{don't be surprised...n if u knw me...u wont evn be...al dese days..i had a fixed time....i wok up at sharp 13:00 hrs}
so you can already imagine...it was a stressful day!! ahha...out of the extraordinary for me i.e.!!
ohhk....so i wont bore you with my chores of the day....juz one tin gud out of it.....i bought my b'day dress...(at least...if i don't get netin else fr maslf....dis wil be d one....dat ul see me clad in... )
ohhk...wel..it was a gud day..til d eve...
evrytin fine....
gud infact....
sumhow clock ticked away....
that pounding head of mine....+too much of bein fed wid food(u knw hw it is at home!!dntcha??)+sum stupid modem prob(guys came over to fix it up~~~~naah...none gudluking!)+guests coming over(it was al fine...until they barged into my room....i like it wen i hav d rum juz 2 maslf.....wel...seein shalu..after a long long tym....was as if...a big wonder!! damn...i was a role model fr dem! uuuugghhhhhh....i hate bein draggd into coochi-cooing by uncl n aunts!)+orkutin+ma bro gaming on ma laptop+being fed again(+again+again)-all of this i mentnd.....nd finally.....01:20 am...
.....#####$$$$$###.....ohh...i think...i was almost in a trance.......
01:25 am
//yeah yeah...
i know...
i know....u want this to be recorded as well...ohhkk...so there you go..//
about nine years ago...i was just a li'l brat...too notoriuos...too mischievous....yeah ....too smart at thinking too....can't help that ..can i? ;|
i was everything...that i wish i can be now......
nothing to worry about....
absolutely no fear....
life as easy as it can be.....
all friends everywhere i went...all happy moments....
then one day...we had this singing competition in one of our society clubs....
many talented participants(naah..i dint take part dis tym.. :| )
one of them.....my senior at school...
i was kinda intrigued by her persona....n still....dint like her much....cud neva figure out why....
she sang ,..some famous song from d yellow pages of the past....
she juz read through the whole song while singing...n still she got the second prize...
one statement i remember sayin..."huh...logon ko pura cheez padh ke bhi prize mil jata hai.."
next week....
school as usual...
news read out....morning prayers..the usual...assembly..the usual...
special announcement....not the usual....
"one moment of silence for our dear departed soul last night...................................."
the same senior...who baggd the secnd prize...was dead due to food poisoning.....some tale....i dont remember much.....
i was dumb-struck....
i juz dint knw how to react...no....u bet i was sad...i juz dint knw...hw to react...
i stood there in silence....n for the 1st tym in my life....prayed to god...(m nt much of a prayer kind..)..from the bottom of ma heart.....
n after listenin in dat announcement...wat a darling she was for her family...her friends..her society
the first thing i felt was... GUILT
somehow.....i juz felt.....those words.....wer sumwer in some small part maybe..responsible for this day....
things changed for me after that.....
i still remember...i neva believd in a ruling power more than the visible.....
i sumwat blvd in god...
but from that day onwards...i believed in spirits..
spirits wid pure heart....gud souls.....
i dnt knw...wedr ul blv it or not...
i wont ask u to blv it.....
i saw radiance once...wer der was no source of light oder than my night bulb....no lightning....nothing.....
n in that split second.....al i felt was that song that she sang....as if shez singing it to me.....
i gues...it wud hav bin...a realy short span......
i dont knw...
i fell asleep...
next day...
evrything normal....
notin changed..notin supernatural...notin extraordinary....
juz one strong vigour....
that i had to live my life.....through all odds....
i dont knw..wat was dat feeling....i was too li'l to knw dat.....
juz sumtin....wich i neva cud figure out...
not evn nw....
i stil rem her face...
n toady i feel....she was a real sweetheart...
n yeah..she was charming...
if i cud take one thing bak from ma life.......
it wud be dis smal thing...wich..sumhow..is too big for ma life....
i wana tak bak ....wat i said for her....
one thing i believe now is......
there are special ppl in evryone's life....
we may not knw evryone...
but...evry single gud soul....is prized by someone or the other...
it may not be me,....it may not be u....
but it may be...sum1....around u.....
i wish i cud do something.....
i wish....i cud...change...al dat..dat neva hapnd for the good....
life is too short.....
one moment ur breathing...
the oder moment..u myt drop dead..
one promise i make to you ..my loved ones...
no matter what.....
you'l be the harmony of my soul...
you'l be my pride....
no matter what....
til my last breath.....in my soul will your presence reside.......
recording: 01:55 am
the last light flickers...
the clock ticks away...
dogs still wailing on the streets....juz a li'l louder....
all mortals...in deep sleep....
in this darkness that surrounds the cold air....
this mortal....
bids adieu....
recording: 01:56 am
......###$$$$####>......no signal...
.........was that a streak of light in the dark?????......
........#####$$$$####.................//.....it's not a good feeling..............
...................................................................................................................
Monday, December 15, 2008
I FEEL...
i feel "that" darkness in me...
i feel "that" hole swirling in me...
i feel "that" hatred..
i feel "that" voice..
i feel "that" vision...
i feel "that" laughter...
i feel "that" pain...
i feel "that" power...
and i feel.....
someday.....il know.."what" lies beneath
someday.....il know.."who" is the real ME
i feel "that" hole swirling in me...
i feel "that" hatred..
i feel "that" voice..
i feel "that" vision...
i feel "that" laughter...
i feel "that" pain...
i feel "that" power...
and i feel.....
someday.....il know.."what" lies beneath
someday.....il know.."who" is the real ME
Monday, December 8, 2008
yeah...dreams can be weird.
i don't know how or why i dreamt this....but still i did..
n so here it goes....
it's about a month ago that i had this dream......
a ghastly bible of chants and enchantments.
every page sinks in your drops of blood that it drains from you.
a red blot..and your future laid bare by its directions to follow the next trail of mishappenings
rather a joke it may seem to you...
but the curse is set upon you...when you fill in the blanks...
'the carcass groans in agony, and none but ____ shall know the curse trails the human...and you shall see no more'
it doesn't haunt you
until it dawns upon you..
'none but THEE shall know the curse trails the human..'
the preparations begin
your death bed laid wide open
no individual leaves this world without leaving behind any trail of the curse
the gory death was chosen for you...
it will trail even that human that seldom says 'i know you'
the ghastly book mocking your fate
your loved ones in tears
the sooner you realize the better
it's you who's entrapped in the world of chants n curses
the EYE trails everyone.
there's no looking back
what goes in, never comes out
you gaze at those RED BLOTS
and you realize
you're already BLEEDING TO DEATH.
n so here it goes....
it's about a month ago that i had this dream......
a ghastly bible of chants and enchantments.
every page sinks in your drops of blood that it drains from you.
a red blot..and your future laid bare by its directions to follow the next trail of mishappenings
rather a joke it may seem to you...
but the curse is set upon you...when you fill in the blanks...
'the carcass groans in agony, and none but ____ shall know the curse trails the human...and you shall see no more'
it doesn't haunt you
until it dawns upon you..
'none but THEE shall know the curse trails the human..'
the preparations begin
your death bed laid wide open
no individual leaves this world without leaving behind any trail of the curse
the gory death was chosen for you...
it will trail even that human that seldom says 'i know you'
the ghastly book mocking your fate
your loved ones in tears
the sooner you realize the better
it's you who's entrapped in the world of chants n curses
the EYE trails everyone.
there's no looking back
what goes in, never comes out
you gaze at those RED BLOTS
and you realize
you're already BLEEDING TO DEATH.
The Undead Grave
an elusive offset
an unprecedented beginning
everything unexpected
yet all so happening...
he was a loner
just like me...
his persona veiled
until unveiled by me...
circumstances made me to know him further
earlier...
he was nothing but one of a feather
i have no words to account
how things got graver
all i know is...
it was the beginning
two subtle minds entwining
days passed...
his likes dislikes
were iterated by me...
same as mine by him..
you might have made a guess
yeah...all were unsaid...
we could read through, without words.
from a simple wave of gesture,
to the most intricate implications..
the look in the eye sufficed.
the happiness of the mortal world
the sadness of the undefined
we didn't need a third soul...
the two of us worked fine.
but one day...
something happened...
none of us knew "why"...
things changed.
pinned down to the emptiness
that crept through both of us...
we were ensnared in our own worlds.
he couldn't sail through this
neither could i...
without being drowned into the cold..
there was no way out..
nothing that could help us out...
the end neared...
i lay numb...
in the darkness of my soul...
i try to look out...
look of of my perspective...
all i could see was a trench...
you go in...and you never come out...
it was ages...
when he finally made me realize...
there has to be another tale...
another beginning...
a journey that never leads into the trench...
an era of communion
where even death-
when sweeps out a draught of cold..
leaves a whisper
"i love you....my other soul.."
an unprecedented beginning
everything unexpected
yet all so happening...
he was a loner
just like me...
his persona veiled
until unveiled by me...
circumstances made me to know him further
earlier...
he was nothing but one of a feather
i have no words to account
how things got graver
all i know is...
it was the beginning
two subtle minds entwining
days passed...
his likes dislikes
were iterated by me...
same as mine by him..
you might have made a guess
yeah...all were unsaid...
we could read through, without words.
from a simple wave of gesture,
to the most intricate implications..
the look in the eye sufficed.
the happiness of the mortal world
the sadness of the undefined
we didn't need a third soul...
the two of us worked fine.
but one day...
something happened...
none of us knew "why"...
things changed.
pinned down to the emptiness
that crept through both of us...
we were ensnared in our own worlds.
he couldn't sail through this
neither could i...
without being drowned into the cold..
there was no way out..
nothing that could help us out...
the end neared...
i lay numb...
in the darkness of my soul...
i try to look out...
look of of my perspective...
all i could see was a trench...
you go in...and you never come out...
it was ages...
when he finally made me realize...
there has to be another tale...
another beginning...
a journey that never leads into the trench...
an era of communion
where even death-
when sweeps out a draught of cold..
leaves a whisper
"i love you....my other soul.."
IMAGINE.....ITS YOUR SOUL
a skinny figure
walking down the line...
a shadow
encroaching upon nothingness...
the road
glistening under the moonlight...
the unholy existence
seem to parole...
the leaves rustling...
a sign of silent whisper??
a confident approach...
a well led life...
what to believe...
inhumane brutality or infernal surreality?
the silence makes It deaf
deaf to the world
deaf to the reality
somewhere It knows
It's not a shadow
It's a soul
the dark is misleading
It has got to take hold
take hold of It's path
take hold of It's existence
It treads along
It fears...
It knows
only the dead are dauntless
life is an anomaly
it's got no rules
the rustling leaves
the silent whisper...
"you're not alone..."
It turns around
there's nothing,
but "It"
the sole existence
It paces up
the dark engulfs the seamless
call it Legion
call it Manslayer
the traces are so cold
an inimical night
IMAGINE...
It's your SOUL...
walking down the line...
a shadow
encroaching upon nothingness...
the road
glistening under the moonlight...
the unholy existence
seem to parole...
the leaves rustling...
a sign of silent whisper??
a confident approach...
a well led life...
what to believe...
inhumane brutality or infernal surreality?
the silence makes It deaf
deaf to the world
deaf to the reality
somewhere It knows
It's not a shadow
It's a soul
the dark is misleading
It has got to take hold
take hold of It's path
take hold of It's existence
It treads along
It fears...
It knows
only the dead are dauntless
life is an anomaly
it's got no rules
the rustling leaves
the silent whisper...
"you're not alone..."
It turns around
there's nothing,
but "It"
the sole existence
It paces up
the dark engulfs the seamless
call it Legion
call it Manslayer
the traces are so cold
an inimical night
IMAGINE...
It's your SOUL...
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